WEDGES....

Here's my random thought for the day...or month...however long it takes for me to post again... It may not be important to you...or even interesting, but it is a thought I want to write about, and this is my space to do that.

Have you all read and/or received the home teaching lesson for July? It is by Thomas S. Monson...about hidden wedges. My home teachers gave me the lesson on Sunday and it really made me think. The lesson suggests that hidden wedges are things we have not forgiven which weaken us. It teaches that unless we forgive the wedge will weaken if not destroy. OK...that's simple...Forgive...it is what we have been taught for years...right?

Well, I think it is more than that. We all have wedges and those wedges are what make us who we are. Some have many more wedges than others. What is the sign that we have a wedge? Sensitivity...especially hypersensitivity to ANYTHING is a sign that there is a wedge or many wedges that are affecting our lives. I know that there are some people that I am hypersensitive to...  That is a sign that even though I think I have forgiven their many offenses, there is a wedge (or many wedges) causing the hypersensitivity. Those wedges were planted years ago when someone did something that hurt me and I made a decision of trust or mistrust about that incident. They were planted when my needs didn't get met by someone, when someone said something unkind to me, when I made determinations about my self-worth based upon how someone treated me. They were planted when I made determinations about someone else's worth based upon how that person made me feel. In short, I have been placing wedges in my life since I was born. We learn that if someone loves us, we feel loved and valued. If someone hurts us we don't trust and we feel less valued...I am sure you all have seen this poem:

A Child Learns What He Lives
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to feel shy.
If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn patience.
If children live with praise,
they learn appreciation.
If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness,
they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Well, the first 4 indicate that a child in that situation has the wedges of criticism, hostility, shame, ridicule planted in his life and the result or symptom...or self-defense of that wedge is condemning, fighting, shyness and guilt. Even the opposites of the last 5 will be wedges...if I child lives with intolerance, the child learns to be impatient and intolerant...and so forth. The child doesn't have these symptoms so much as a failure to forgive but as a natural defense or barrier to being hurt...things the child probably never even knew were forgiveness issues...they just were a part of that child's life.
We all have them...look at your life and see any area in which you are sensitive...especially hypersensitive...perhaps you have a neighbor who is bugging you, or an ex-husband who is being a jerk, or one of your kids are on your last nerve, or someone who you just can't stand to be around, or you are frustrated with the car ahead of you in traffic...etc...you get the drift. All of these are signs that there is a wedge in your life. They are all reactions to the defense that has been put up because of your life's experiences and the conclusions you have made with respect to those experiences.
So what is one to do about the perhaps hundreds of wedges in one's life. Wedges that were planted before we even knew they were being planted, wedges that have been so deeply engrained in our lives for so many years we don't even know they exist. I don't really know. Ideally we should forgive every little offense that has ever occurred. Not just what happens today...but every single past offense...even the ones we don't remember but have shaped who we have become.

I think the only way to do this is to wake up each morning with a clean slate for myself and a clean slate for every single person on the planet. If I have truly forgiven then EVERYONE has a clean slate...my mom, my ex-husband, my kids, my neighbors, etc. I can't not trust my neighbor because he did something yesterday...that would be a wedge. ... 70 X 7...be patient as ifshe has never irritated you before. I can't get mad at my son because he won't eat his food 70 X 7... OK...he's not eaten his food more than 490 times...can I just get a bit irritated about that? NO...that irritation is a sign of a wedge...no matter how many times...

Do you get my drift? We are who we are because of wedges or a lack of wedges. If you see someone who is especially negative or angry with the world, it is likely that many people or experiences have hurt that person and there are so many wedges in his life that he can hardly function. Those who are typically patient and pleasant have either mastered the art of forgiveness to the max, or they have not had many hurtful experiences to place the wedge in the first place...or they are now on mood altering medication.

I have come to realize that I have numerous...or should I say numberless little wedges in my life that are causing me great difficulty. They are what make me the person I am. They are what determine how I feel about my "neighbor"...that being all people. So I am going to make it my goal to remove as many wedges as possible, to wake up every morning with a clean slate for everybody I encounter that day. Do you think it is possible?...it sounds hard and will take time to become a habit...but that is what I think is the real meaning behind the "Parable of the Wedge".

Anyway...there's my blog. Perhaps it was not much to follow and you are not here with me to the end... If you did follow me...I would love to know your take on Wedges.