Well, it is finally here...surgery day. It is 4:00 in the morning and I am up...because I have a sore throat. Khhh...as if I needed that today. So I can't eat or drink anything 8 hours before surgery...which is at 12:30, and I can't suck a Cold Eeze on an empty stomach. So I ate some lemon cookies, sucked a Cold Eeze and am sipping on hot tea that is supposed to help with a sore throat.
It has been a busy week this week. I had a garage sale last weekend and sold a lot of my clutter...and made a cool $1500. I just love the part of the garage sale when people come and take my things away and give me money in return. That was very useful. It is such a relief to have that stuff gone. I have cleaned, organized and even done some redecorating to prepare for this day. Things like this are a great motivator to get things done. I didn't get it all done, but I am hoping the earth will continue to spin regardless. My garden has begun to pop up a few little sprouts... I am so excited!
On Tuesday I played a game of racquetball with Jacob. I haven't played with since a wrist injury a few months ago, but I figured if I was careful we could give it a go. I beat him. Then yesterday, I got to do a little fencing with a friend of Sarah's. I don't know for sure, but I think he beat me, but I got him last. I was going to take a fencing class this semester with Sarah, but once I found my lump, I realized I wouldn't be able to finish the class. I don't like the idea of not having a fully functioning right arm for a while. ...Maybe I'll learn to be a lefty...just for fun.
I have done well at keeping my my mind on other things for the past few weeks. As the day approached, thoughts began to creep in, and so did the nervousness...sometimes I would even start to cry. **strange** I'm not quite sure why I am nervous. I guess it is just reality in my face. This is real, and I am THAT person...and this is something I will be doing...starting today.
Here is a list of some of the things that go through my head...and what I am nervous about.
I hate anesthesia...especially how I feel afterward.
I don't like being in pain much, and think I will hurt when I wake up.
the "good" pain meds make me want to barf.
It will be hard for me to take care of my family for a while.
I am worried about lymphedema and hope I won't have to deal with that.
With the worry about lymphedema, I am worried that my right arm won't be the same.
I hope there is no cancer in my lymph nodes. I feel a small lump, but think maybe I'm being paranoid.
I hope I will be able to do only one week of radiation, instead of the 6-8 weeks.
I don't want to feel irritable.
I wonder what the scar will look like.
I wonder how chemotherapy will affect me. I hope I won't feel too sick.
Although, it would be nice if I could lose a few pounds...I mean if I have to go through chemo anyway.
I am looking forward to reading a few good books...something I rarely ever do.
I really hope this is the only time I ever have to do this.
It feels a bit like an adventure...only I do prefer the ones where I grab the kids, get into a VW Vanagon and drive across the country.
I wonder what I will learn.
So this morning I will scrub myself with antiseptic soap, put numbing cream on and head to the Scottsdale Medical Imaging Center where they will do an MRI guided wire placement into the tiny tumor that was found...just to be sure they know where it is and they take it out along with the bigger lump. Then I am told that they will inject some dye into my breast that will travel to my lymph nodes in a couple of hours. This will tell the Doctor which lymph nodes to remove. I was told I would also get a sedative at that time...and won't likely remember much after that. Surgery is at 12:30 and they should be waking me up at about 2:00. If all goes as planned, I should be sent home a couple of hours later. So...I guess I had better get started. Wish me luck!!