You can say that again!
I am so looking forward to a new start in 2016. It has been a rough year, but it is finally over. I had my port removed on December 23rd and everything is healing great. I don't know if it was the anesthesia lingering or what, but I even felt better that week than I have felt in months. I seemed to get a reprieve from the neuropathy that plagues my hands and feet and my joints felt much better and I got a couple of really good nights sleep. It was wonderful...even miraculous!
Unfortunately a lot of it is back now, but it made me hopeful that eventually it will go away and I will feel back to my old self in time. In a couple of weeks I will begin taking the Tamoxifen that I am supposed to take for the next 5-10 years to help prevent the cancer from coming back. I am not looking forward to it. Some people tell me that the side effects are quite bothersome. Muscle weakness, sore joints, etc...kind of like I feel now only for 5-10 years. Some people say it didn't bother them much at all. I am hoping that maybe some diet changes and exercise will help make it more tolerable for me.
Just the same I have a new perspective on life than I did last year. I feel kind of stunned when I look back on this past year, kind of like a slap in the face and whoa...what happened? It seem almost like a bad dream now. I understand what it means to have a "new lease on life". I never really thought about it much, but we really do only have a LEASE on life. One that may or may not give us notice before terminating. I think I appreciate life more, as I no longer take for granted that I have a lot of it left. That doesn't mean I think I am dying, just that we just never really know.
I have spent just about the entire 2015 year dealing with breast cancer. It has consumed my time, my thoughts and my energy. Not to mention that of my family. It over now ( hopefully forever). Next year I have a clean slate. I feel like I will be at a loss as to what to fill my time with. Not that I am ever bored or lacking for something to do, but I am different now. I will be looking to fill the void with good things, meaningful things, things that make my life more meaningful and worthwhile. I have some ideas, some of which I don't know how to get started and others I am trying to decide if I am really committed enough to begin...like maybe get a Master's Degree.
There will be a little bit of traveling. (Perhaps this time Sarah and I really will go to Alaska.) I also have a lot to get caught up on with friends. I have been somewhat of a hermit this past year. I am looking forward to being a bit more social. Our kids Matt and Jacob will be graduating from High School and preparing for missions and will probably leave early this summer. We will be excited to see them getting ready and receiving their mission calls. Sarah will graduate with her associates degree and is now trying to decide what's next for her. I am sure there will be a few trips to Utah to spend time with family and friends. 2016 will be a busy year and I am anticipating a much happier year. I am so excited to get started!!
Happy New Year Everybody!!!
1 comment:
What a year for you - one, no doubt, you are happy to leave behind. Woohoo for getting through it, especially with all the bumps in the road you faced.
I have been on Tamoxifen for nearly four years now and although it caused issues initially, the side effects are barely noticeable now. It may be responsible for more pain in my arthritic back, but until I go off the Tamoxifen I just won't know for sure. Hot flushes flare up from time to time, but are not there all the time - it's more noticeable in the summer on the hot days like today. At this stage I am unsure if I am on it for another year or another six years, but it is another tool that gives me peace of mind that I am still doing something to keep BC at bay.
This coming year may be different for you, as I found the next few months following the end of active treatment were the time my emotions caught up with me. Previously I had been in survival mode, and then it hit me hard. It was hard not to give in to the fear of any new ache or pain, and I saw more of my Dr than any other time in my life as I sought reassurance that I needed to learn to live with a new normal now. I know others who have been this way too, so if this is you, know you are not alone.
Happy New Year to you and all your family. I see there will be big changes in your family dynamics with children going off on Missions, etc. Our house will also have changes as our older boy heads away to University in my home town, and my older daughter will soon be moving out to her new flat. Down from a family of six to four in a short period of time. I look forward to updates on how you are doing, take care, Catherine
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